Mommy Calling Cards? Who Thought of That?

It has recently come to my attention that there is something out there in the parentosphere decidedly un-minimalist.  It calls itself "Mommy Calling Cards".  Upon further review of the interwebs, I learned that many pricey stationery sites are producing business card-esque stock with Mommy's name, the name of her precious offspring, and their contact information (do you put the three-year-old's twitter handle too? Or too much?).  And you're supposed to hand these out at the park, random birthday parties, in the checkout line at Target.

Are you kidding me.  

Olympic Parenting competi-moms can now hand out business cards.   And your identity is solely that of "Ava's Mom". Seriously.  Susan B. Anthony would be so proud.  That woman worked her fingers to the bone to get herself on a crappy US coin no one likes, and YOU are only "Dylan's Chauffeur/Boo Boo Kisser" (and no, I am not making those up.  Really on a card).  

Who decided parenting was so complicated?  How about walking up to the mom who ALSO drives a juice box tainted Honda Odyssey and TELL her your name, and that the kid in the sandbox with kitty poop in his mouth is yours.  And hey, I like martinis if you do, too.  See?  Simple.  Then you call each other on your cute monogrammed-cased iPhone 6Pluses, and shazam!  You have each other's number!  

Yes, I realize her number will likely remain in my contacts as JUST the number, and forever I will wonder if that was Hailey's mom's number or does it belong to the nutbag who doesn't give her kid anything that has ever come from a box.  

In the words of Jenny Lawson from The Stir, I propose to hand out my own cards.  They will say "I VACCINATE" or "SORRY MY KID BIT/HIT/PEED ON YOUR KID".  Conversation may likely be unnecessary after some of those are dispersed.  

Minimalism embraces life wrapped in simplicity.  Parenting is not that complicated.  It's hard, but it isn't complicated.  Please don't complicate your minimalist existence by thinking it's cute to hand out your/your kids' names on a card to get to know other parents.  Just be the cool mom at the park with the kid who eats dirt and simple carbohydrates on occasion.  The mommy card carriers won't like you, but they probably don't like vodka martinis either.  

Parent on, Minimalist friends!