A Millennial Goes Media Minimalist

Today's post is a different style for me. I am bringing another voice into the discussion. Because minimalism isn't just about stuff, and decrapifying, although that is of significant importance.  It's also about simplifying your life to achieve things intentionally, and shutting out distracting hand-waving static.  It's about enjoying today, and you can't really do that with mental and physical competition for your serenity.  

I interviewed Ashley, a 25 year-old medical assistant who has been on a self-imposed social media exile for about 18 months.  I was curious WHY a young adult her age who has grown up with all the non stop notifications would even want to minimize the noise and eliminate the mental clutter that social media proliferates.  So I asked her.

CM: How long have you been off social media?

Ashley: I quit about a year and a half ago.  All of it.  I still text and call my friends and family, of course, but I probably do it now more than I did before.  

CM:  How old were you when you started your first social media account?

Ashley: About 15.  I had MySpace first, then Facebook and Instagram.  Finally Twitter and Snapchat.  

CM:  Does your fiance have any social media accounts?

Ashley: No, he quit them all too.  We just talk to each other or text.  He said if anyone wants to tell him something, they will.  He doesn't have to look for it online.  

CM:  What was your main motivation for giving it up?

Ashley:  Mostly all the negativity.  People would complain about things on Facebook all the time, or post all this passive aggressive stuff than was just mean.  I had a friend who had dated a guy and was still trolling his facebook page (CM: like we seem to do).  The new girlfriend had posted something like "thank you to the girl who gave him up so I could find him and love him like he needs to".   My friend was going crazy reading this, and I told her stop.  Just stop.  You can't look at this anymore.  

CM:  Do you find that to be pretty common on all the media platforms? 

Ashley:  Yes, and it seems that people only post stuff to brag about it and feel better about themselves.  And when you read it, you feel worse about yourself.  Like oh, that party looks so fun, and I am at home.  Or another one of my friends got engaged in some amazing way and I am not even dating anyone  (Ashley is, by the way, and is engaged).  Some of my friends who have kids have a non-stop feed of baby pictures and every single thing the kid does all day.  

CM:  There is a lot of talk of FOMO, or "fear of missing out" being a thing in your generation. That with all the constant barrage of what everyone is doing, where they are vacationing, or who they are with, that you can't help but not even appreciate where you are at any given moment.  Do you see that or believe that it's truly an issue?

Ashley:  Yes absolutely.  One of the reasons I think it is so negative is that it seems the only reason people post stuff is to make other people envious of where they are or what they are doing.  

CM:  And that's pretty crappy motivation for information sharing, right?  To incite envy among your friends?  

Ashley: Right.  Just to hope others feel bad about themselves so you can feel a little bit better about yourself.  So negative.  

CM:  What about being "friends" with people you aren't really friends with?

Ashley:  It's hard not to look at old boyfriends' pages sometimes.  You are curious and wonder what they are doing.  If they look like a loser you're like HA!  You're a loser.  If they look like their new girlfriend is hot and they are super successful, you're like, crap.  I might have missed out on that.  So I quit being friends with anyone I wouldn't text and actually talk to and care about.  I do not care what the cheer captain at the local high school is having for breakfast.  Because she had friended me (a friend of my little brother's presumably trying to boost her numbers). 

CM:  Finally, what do you think about being driven by the number of "likes" or "retweets". For example, you post a picture you thought was cute, a selfie maybe.  Two hours later, only one like.  Your mom.  What does that do to you?

Ashley:  That sucks that your opinion of yourself, your self worth, is totally driven by what other people think, and maybe people you don't even really care about at all.  I was doing it too, and I had to stop.  It was an addiction.  


I want to thank Ashley for her candid discussion today, and I will have to have her read this online, since she won't get a facebook notification that it's published!  It is my hope that you will consider what social media is doing in your life,  and how you can quiet the noise, if that is a nagging subtext on your planet.   I love keeping up with people I care about and their kids' activities (I will call out the bragbookers - that is SO 2015), but if we had middle school math together and you made pancakes today and they were the BEST!  I don't care.  Sorry not sorry.  

The Minimalism Documentary: I Found My People

Tonight I attended a screening of the Minimalism Film: A Documentary About the Important Things.  If you haven't seen it, be sure and click on over to their website and plan to see a screening or purchase a copy.  

The film (which was my second screening, as I was lucky enough to hear the Minimalists live in Dallas last month) discusses why we should love people and use things, because the opposite never works.  There were many minimalists from tiny house residents to economists to sociological scholars extolling the virtues of a more intentional life, away from the trappings of more is better, wanting what they have, and not working to buy more and more.

Basically, the antithesis of my Texas brethren.  

As we have always believed more is better.  BIGGER is our motto (in seventh grade they taught us it was "friendship", but I think it has been reassigned).   A big house with rooms we don't use, a "butler's pantry" when no one I have ever heard of besides Batman has a butler, and yards that rival a fairway on a PGA course.  

The film didn't address Texas at all, as the filmmakers are from Ohio and live in Montana currently.  But I always think about the excess my people represent.  And why do we breed such excess?  What do we gain by having lots of stuff, especially more stuff than the neighbors?  Nothing really, but debt and storage issues. 

Think about the people you like.  Those you enjoy being around.  What were they wearing the last time you saw them?  You may have complimented it at the time, or noted it was a flattering outfit, but I bet you don't remember it.  What about their watch brand, or the version of their iPhone.  You haven't the foggiest idea.  

You like/love those people because of who they are. What they say. And how they make you feel about yourself when you're around them.  I don't want to be around people who make me feel inadequate, or that who I am isn't enough, or God forbid if my car sucks too much to even park in their driveway.  

I think the minimalists are my people because they care about what I have to say and how I feel about life and its intentions.  I like to think that Texas can do minimalism in a BIG way (like that irony, there?) because that's how we do things.  We can be examples of intentional living, of not needing twelve towels and a 5000 sf house to document our worth.   The Minimalists talk about not wanting to "convert" anyone, but merely to share their recipe and let others make it their own.  

I think my people, my Texas minimalists, can do this intentional decrapifying thing with our usual intensity and flair.